I'm at Java Beach right now. It's this little coffee shop a few blocks down from my house that I frequent. In the past few weeks I haven't been here very much, but since my house is currently without Internet, and Java Beach provides free Wi-Fi, I am here.

But, I don't feel very good sitting here. I feel like shit, to be to the point. My nose has been feeling dry for the past few days and it's irritating; makes me paranoid I'm going to have a horrific nose-bleed like I used to have during my junior year of high school. It's also pretty hot out today, well, hot for San Francisco, and I'm wearing a sweater with scrunchie turtle neck (it's cuter than my description does justice). I'm not wearing a t-shirt underneath, so I'm kinda just suffering with my sleeves pushed up.

I'm fat. That's the constant, nudging thought hitting me in the head at all times of the day. I ate a veggie sandwich about 20 or 30 minutes ago and I feel pretty shitty. I feel on edge, my body pulsing, a lump in my throat. My self-image has been progressively getting worse as of late, but I don't say anything about it, because I don't think others can tell that I'm starving a lot of the time anyway. I don't make a fuss about not eating anything during the day, only eating dinner. I just say "Nah, I'm not that hungry" & just drink some Diet Coke or green tea.

One of the most awesome things about working (I started working at Chipotle a few days ago), is that I don't get hungry while I'm working, even though I get a free employee meal. I get distracted by all the things I'm learning and all the tasks I have to do. This lack of hunger while I'm working might fade as I get more comfortable on the job, but I guess I'll just hafta wait and see.

Even though I'm using the Internet right now to type out this post, not having Internet has been nice in a way. I mean, if I had Internet all this time, I probably wouldn't be writing this blog post, or doing reading for my classes that I normally either wouldn't do, or would just skim over the day of class. Something about not having Internet makes me become more introspective on myself, all the while making me work more on school related things and hobbies I care about.

Time to waste some time on YouTube and write some poetry or something.
xoxo, Gossip Girl