In Case You Were Wondering ...

Tumblr is a lot cooler than blogspot once you get the hang of it.
I encourage you to convert! :)

- TayTay Fo ShayShay

Fuck Titles.

I feel like I have so much to blog about.
But nothing comes to mind when I wanna write something.

That, and I have some stuff I really don't feel like sharing. Haha.

Anyways, summer has proven semi-eventuful thus far.
Which is better than uneventful, as it usually is.
And is also better than eventful, because I hate being busy.

Semi is good for me. Mm.

Let's see,
I've gone to the Del Mar Fair
hung out w/Kaylee & Julie
hung out w/Joy
hung out w/Jay
watched a repulsive amount of movies, one of which has been The Nightmare Before Christmas .. four times.

I don't get why that movie has such a bad rep.
Probably because all those kids we've tagged as outcasts & freaks like it oh so much.
Whatevs though. It's a fanfuckintastic movie.

Anyways,
I've hung out w/Angelique & group for her birthday
hung out w/Kristina
got frozen yogurt three times
& have myspaced & job searched.

It's possible there's more, but to be honest, I don't give a shit.

SO anywho, other plans for summer.
Transformers 1 & 2 w/Joy & Fran & others
Harry Potter w/ Joy & others
OH, & Harry Potter fest at Tiffanys. Haha.
Fourth of July
Beach
Birthday
Get a job
Hang out with those who matter.


That's all I've got so far, & I'm pretty content with it. Mhm.
This really is a pointless blog. I'm just telling you what's been up & what not. Haha.

I guess I just feel like writing & occupying my mind while I stay up late ... for once.


Tomorrow will be quite a day though.
Job hunt ... maybe.
Pick up Fran & go buy movie tickets.
Get gas.
Watch Transformers 1 at Joy's.
Go to midnight showing of Transformers 2 & have a grand ol' time.


Sounds like a plan. Yay for friendsies.



Goodbye.
- Tay Tay Fo Shay Shay

Things On My Mind.

X. I hope you're doing okay.
X. I don't know if you consider me close friends with you guys, but you guys are pretty special to me.
X. I don't think I want to go to college anymore. I don't know what I want anymore.
X. I'm pretty tired of myself.
X. I don't know if I anyone would pick me up if I fell.
X. I miss that we're not friends anymore. It saddens the hell out of me.
X. My insecurites are peaking. I need to change something.


I'm just in a low mood.
Hmm.


Goodbye.

The Best Thing Ever.

Taken from a very intelligent gay mans blogspot.
It's all so, so true.


Hello gorgeous.So this is just a list of some things I think every gay guy should know. Most of them are made off of mere observation, or just my personal opinion. And of course there are PLENTY of things every gay guy should know, and these may not apply to everyone, but they should still be very interesting.

#10 - YOU ARE GAY, and yes people are going to stare. To some hetero people, they are just fascinated by gay people, to them we're like unicorns in a zoo that they just have to gawk at. There's pretty much nothing you do about it. No matter how you try to mask it, hide it or avoid it--its just bound to happen! You're not normal and never will be, and that is not a bad thing! But there is something about the way you walk, the way you talk, your mannerisms, gestures and demeanor that gives off that you are gay. There's no need in being insecure about it, if they want to stare then let them! Hell why not give them a show while you're at it? As long as its not getting violent, don't worry about anybody watching you.

#9 - Yes doll face you are beautiful. You are cute, handsome and have a wicked sex appeal. But do not get full of yourself. Just because you look good does not mean you are the hottest thing walking. Whether you know it or not, there are about 20 other guys who look way better than you. I mean they blow you out of the water, you would probably rush home to change your outfit if one of them was in your proximity. So do not get too full of yourself. Confidence is one thing, but no one wants to be around some one arrogant and snobby. Beauty is only skin deep, and looks are not everything.

#8 - Everyone is different, and each gay person has something to bring to the table. Just because someone is not the "typical" gay does not mean they should be an outcast in the community. All gay boys do not shop at the same places, some of them have individual styles. All gay guys are not obsessed with being in "the scene", some of them prefer to steer away from all the drama and drive for popularity. Contrary to popular belief, every gay guy is also not obsessed with Beyonce, Lady Gaga or Britney Spears--some of them have different music tastes like neo-soul or rock. But there should not be divisions in the community, we should all acknowledge one another for our individual traits and contributions.

#7 - Every gay guy needs a hag. Hags are practically the backbone of the gay community. Every man needs a woman, and gay guys are no exception! Straight girls and gay boys just seem to go together! They are supportive, comforting, encouraging and they go hand in hand with a gay! Every boy should have at least one straight girl friend, and most straight girls would be more than thrilled to have a gay friend (some of them treat us like collector's items and try to get as many as possible). Besides, who else are you going to go shopping with, take to prom, drag to the club, and cruise cute guys with?

#6 - Just like every gay guy needs a hag, he also needs to know or have a lesbian friend! Lesbians are gay just like you and although they have their own struggles and drama, they usually share the same ones as you. Plus they're not that bad to have around to kick some ass when you get into confrontation.

#5 - Stop setting standards on people! Gay guys have been accused of being too shallow, and to be honest the accusation has some validity in it. A lot of gay guys are really superficial and set these ridiculous standards on what type of guys they will and will not date or have sex with. They have to be a particular ethnicity, height, weight, masculine or feminine, top or bottom, openly gay or DL, and its all preposterous! You have no idea where you are going find happiness. Stop limiting your options of happiness by being so shallow and narrow minded. Accept people as they are and quit being so shallow and judgmental.

#4 - STOP THE WAR ON FEM GUYS! Some gay guys have the audacity to attack and consider themselves better than a lot of feminine gay guys because they are more masculine than them. NEWSFLASH, you're just as gay as them! Gay is gay, there are no subdivisions or superiority pyramids. Instead of looking down your nose at fem guys you need to be taking your hat off to them. They take a lot of blows for the gay community because they are consistently condemned and criticized for being as they are. No everyone does not have to love fem guys, nor date them or have sex with them. We are allowed to have preferences, but at the end of the day we are all gay! And some masculine guys think that fem guys are "so annoying"--what makes you think YOU aren't annoying? Walking around being egotistical, machismo and boasting this silly bravado can be just as annoying and bothersome as a guy who squeals and carries a purse. Don't be mad at a fem guy because YOU don't have the balls to wear skin tight jeans and do a fierce strut! Let them do their thing as they let you do yours.

#3 - EVERY man does not want to be gay. Even in today's age where everybody practically has a little "gay" in them, there are plenty of men who solely like women. This whole "trying to convert straight guys" thing is ridiculous and dangerous. You can not CHANGE someone who does not want to be changed! By sleeping with a guy there is no guarantee that he will become gay afterwards. Some gay guys will go on and on saying how they want to "convert their straight friend" by having sex with him. What kind of friend are you? What kind of friend tries to manipulate a straight friend for the benefit of blabbing to everyone that they did it? How would you like it if your straight girl friend tried to "convert you into being straight"? If you are secure with your sexual identity then fine, and if you stumble across someone who is curious that is fine too--but don't go around trying to change straight men.

#2 - Stop perpetuating the usage of the word "fag" or "faggot". It is a very hurtful, derogatory, degrading word ESPECIALLY when it is used in an attempt by one gay guy to hurt another. Its self-hatred and painful, particularly when gay guys use it amongst each other. In some aspects it can be used in a playful manner, but everyone is not comfortable with it. When ever I hear it I cringe a little; it can be so brutal and piercing. If we do not stop using it to hurt one another, it only makes it easier for non-gay people to use it against us as well.

#1 - Be true to yourself. Love starts at home, and you have to learn to love yourself before you try to love anyone else. We all are beautiful people, and I believe that we were each created by a higher power for a reason and it is our destiny to figure out what that reason was and carry it out. But you only get one life, so live it to the max! Stay healthy, practice safe sex and love one another! And if you are ashamed of who you are, or anything you do for that matter, then maybe YOU SHOULD NOT BE DOING IT THEN.

"I don't .. I'm sorry."

& here i thought we were friends.
guess not.

you're boyfriend is more important than i am apparently, even though we both know he has complete & utter control over you. we've talked about this.
i guess i wasn't good enough to stand up for.

but you don't have a backbone. so i can't really blame you.
it's exactly the reason why we can't be friends; because since you have no backbone, your boyfriend manipulates you into doing as he says. as always.

just like he dictated for you not to hang out with your best friends, just like how he can get you to give your phone to him, just like how he makes sure to win all the arguements, just like how i'm pretty sure he's making you not be friends with me.

cus you know, i'm such a shitty friend.

if you really don't want to be friends with me, i wish you would have the courage to tell me what's wrong so i could fix it. because i like being friends with you.

but no, you're letting your boyfriend manipulate you into this. & you're letting it happen. at least that's what i think is going on.

i know you. you're not the type of person to just decide you don't want to be friends with someone anymore. it's just not you.

so, that's what makes me believe there is a guard monitoring your prison, a puppet master pulling your strings.

i hope it doesn't have to end like this. i really hope you have the strength to break the strings attached to your back & let yourself be free from that master of yours.
i like you, and i don't want things to end this way.
but if they must, then they must.
i hope you realize that you're losing a friend that cared about you. & you know i care about you, no matter how sarcastic & bitchy i am. you know i do.

if you somehow end up reading this, i'm not trying to offend you.
i'm really not. this is just who you are.
but i'm hoping that what i'm saying will change you & make you learn how to stand up for yourself.

may you find happiness with your boyfriend. if not, i hope it's because you realized that he has taken away your connection to the two closest friends in your life; me & your other best friend.

i know there's more to this story, & there's a chance I'll add onto this blog as it comes to me.
but for now, this is all i needed to get off my chest.

have a great life with your boyfriend.





even though you could have a better one with your two best friends.

I'm So Pissed.

Expect a worthy blog soon, as soon as I gather my thoughts.


-Taylord

Beat Around Your Bush.

That's not what I'm going to do.


Seriously, just comment my fucking blogs.
I don't feel like such a dumb ass if I know someone's reading it.

It doesn't even have to be something good.
Just ... something.

I'm stooops.

05.24.09

Things are looking up for me.
I just feel like things are about to get really good, really soon.
At least I hope so. I don't want to get my hopes up for nothing though.
I'll be sure to tread carefully, as I usually do.

Hmm, three more weeks of school left.
I've got projects up the wahzoo. I've started none of them.
Oh, what a fun time the next two weeks of school will be. Ha.
At least then I'll be able to relax & be able to do nothing.

I can't believe I'll be losing (well not really losing, but not having them as close as they usually are? ha, idk.) some of my closest friends I've made this year.
One's graduating, the other is off to Independent Study. I shall miss them.
I dunno what I'm talking about. I can drive now. It'll be totes easy to not miss them, since I can go drive & see 'em. Haha.

Yeah, this is a pretty uneventful post. I just feel like typing I suppose.

Have a nice night.

Weekend Adventure.

I'm bored, so I'm posting.

Uhm, this passing weekend was fun.
Saturday was K12 w/ERRYONE.
Such as the iCON girls, Francis, Anthony ... there are more, but it was two days ago, so I forget. Ha.
It was totes fun. Choreo cookis makes me melt. & gives me chills when I watch them. Haha.
But yeah, after K12, a grip of us went out to Denny's. SHIT TOOKS FOREVS.
I guess that what happens when there are 20 of us there. Haha.
OH, and since I was afraid I'd fall asleep in the car ride home, I had Janice come in the car with me. She fell asleep though. Lol. She's lucky I didn't kill us in some crazy accident. I guess I am too.


OH, & the creation of Stoop Kids at Dennys. BWAHAHA. Best beware.

Okay, then on Saturday, I headed on over to Fran's for his birfday.
I didn't get him anything. I'm terrible.
Anywho, it was fun just hanging out with everyone & playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl w/some strangers & a broken ass controler.
Plus, Fran got caked by Janine & Kristine. How marvelous that was.
Espesh when he got them back. Haha.


Overall, great weekend. Helped me get my mind off some heavy schtuff.
What great friends I have.



Totes.

05.13.09

All these feelings that I've been suppressing have decided to come rushing back.
Full intensity & I'm blinded. A single thought, and likely future, have triggered all this.
The timing couldn't be worse.

Things are going downhill.
& I don't know if that hill stops, or I just continue further down & into the ocean & then into the magma core of this Earth which incinerates me.




I'm scared. I expect myself to be a wreck very soon.



Goodbye.

"Clever Title Here"

I couldn't really sleep last night.
I still feel responsible.
& that shit's gonna go down the tubes because of me.
Idk.
I guess we'll see where thing go.
As for now, my stomach still feels like eating itself.

Aren't emotions great?

Will Jerk for Food.

Woo! What a week it has been.
Made intermediate dance with all my girls! :D
Got my license!
Chilled w/Joy!
Omg, we went to mall, mkay? And we decided after some Mother's Day shopping, we'd go to Whimsical Yogurt.
So we go & I order.
& while Joy's ordering "You're A Jerk" comes on.
& all the employes attempt to jerk.
& then they tell Joy that if she jerks for them, they'll give her her gelato for free!
So she did. & they loved it. & she got 2 coupons. & a stamp card! LOLLLLL.
TOOOOOOOTES made my day. Ha, gotta love her.

But uhhhh, yeah. I love that girl. Haha.
It's been interesting w/her.
Mo def.

OH, & sorry if you use the same title for your blog.
Thanks for the recommendation Franny! <----Shameless shout out.


-Taylord.

I'm On E.

Someone fill my gas tank.

a;sldkfj;asj.

I'll be happy when it's the weekend after next week.

I Liked Today.

From 6th period & forward.
_Played the review game; always fun.
_7th period learned about anorexia/bulimia. Made me want a steak.
_Had Jay pick me up early instead of waiting for 30 minutes.
_Played Super Smash Bros. Brawl with Jay & my brother for like, THREE HOURS. Jay's good. Ha.
_Fresh Prince of Bel Air & Relaxing.


Ahh, & now I get to end my day with some studying.
Deuces.


-Taylord.

I Hate

When I feel like I don't belong.
Like, idk.
I just don't feel that I fit in ... anywhere.
Yeah. I dunno why I'm in this mood.
I just feel akward sometimes.

I'm kinda just in one of those moods where I have no idea what I'm supposed to do.
Hmm. This & other factors are just dragging me down.


Yeah. Totes hets.
-Taylord.

Today, someone told me they didn't know I was gay.






It's the end of the world.


-Taylord.

My Dream.

Lady Gaga came to my house. & a bunch of other people from school where at my house too.
So, we're all talking to Lady Gaga, & me & her become BFF's.
But, I fall asleep when she's there.
So, she leaves me a note telling me she clicked with me & not those other people & she wanted to hang out & have me come to concerts & stuff.
That's all I remember.



What a gay dream. HAHAHAH.
Last night was totes hilare at the Performing Arts English show. Prettttttty funny stuff.
Especially Sher as a hunchbacked retard & Jast as a FOB Grandma. HAHAHAH. Just great.



I need a haircut. & to learn my choreo for tryouts for dance. & to study.
That's my plan for the weekend. Hm, yeah.


Have a nice day you bastards.

-Taylord.

I LOVE

Dor Lap.
Jay, My Overall Sex Master.
Fran is Totes Gay.
& Becca. (yeah, no nickname. ha.)



;klajsd;lfj GREAT NIGHT. some GOOOD performances at Great Oak's Breakdown.
Shout out to iCON, Resurrect, Winco Thugs, & Agi-Lity. & some other team whose name I forgot. :/ Hahaha.
This totes made up for my shit week..
Performing arts english show tomorrow. Thinkin' of going. Support Mae, Jast, & Jay.
Even though Jay "... DOESN'T EVEN GO HERE." Hahahah. Fashosies.

Have a nice night.

04.29.09 @9:17P.M.

I always feel stoops when I look back on what I've posted. Haha.
Not much to report. Trying to get outta this rut. Feelin' better about things.

OH, tomorrow I'm going to this dance show thing at Great Oak. I think I'm going with Jay? Idk, he hasn't texted me back. Ha. But yeah, I'm going regardless. Gotsta support my girls! HA, gay.
Anywho, I dunno what I have planned for this weekend. Just studying, practicing driving, & working on choreo with Joy? I dunno. We shall see.
All I know is that I HAVE to get outta the house sometime this weekend. I just cannot be in my house any longer. Hahahah.

Well, I guess I'm going to go do, well, something. Hahah. Probs sleeep. Idk.



This is a terrible post. Totes sor!


-Taylord

Ahh, it's Tuesday. The day that sits between the worst two days of the week. Let's all feel bad for Tuesday.

Anyways, this week's been shit.
I've just been so sad & solemn. I know why, & there's not really too much I can do.
All of these issues I'm having I guess I'll just have to wait out.
It just sucks not knowing when exactly they'll all end. Sure, I know a few of when these feelings will end, but for another, I just don't know.
& so I wait, feeling pathetic & like a totes lose.
I just wish there was something I could do to speed up the process of me getting over it.
Buuuuut, I have no control of that really. It'll just be like when your cat scratches you; yeah, it hurts at first, but damn, shit heals quick! & you don't even notice it. I'm hoping it'll be like that.
ahhh, oh well. IT'LL ALL GET BETTER IN TIME! as Leona Lewis would say.
God, that song makes me realize things really are gonna get better, ironically. I just hate it now for that. Haha.

Anywho, Joyful Joy is gonna make choreo for me for Advanced Dance Tryouts. Woo!
I'm hoping to make it. If not, Intermediate is fine. I just want to be dancing again. I miss it.
Well, that's all I have to report. I'm gonna go YouTube surf & text with Joy & sulk. HA, not on that last part. At least I'll try not too. Fashosies.

-Taylord

I'd Just Like To Say

a big fuck you to how I felt today.



Have a nice night.



Edit @ 9:13P.M. ; I'll actually write something blog worthy ... soon. Ahahaha.

04.25.09 at 11:21P.M.

Tonight was closing night for the Dance Production. & God, what a fun time did I have. HA!

Yeah, so I get there & shit's kinda totes lame. No one's really there & I'm just totes eatin' my turk sandwich. But ya know, me & Tiff & some of the other girls all go outside & talk about shitty AP testing & college & yadda yadda. Mhmm.

So, Joy finally arrives. The bitch slept late & was lazy to get ready, thus her arrive at 6:30; half an hour before show. Ha.
Mmm, yeah, so we talks & schtuff. Mess around. Totes youj. (Pronounced as in USually.) Ha.

Hmm, so the show starts, little circle talk. No one gets pushed into the platform like last night. We're good to go.
So, show starts, & it's finally our dance up. I totes rock it. Haha. Yeah, fashosies.
Hmm, but yeah. Then we all chill outside.

OH, and sometime during all this, Jay arrives. I don't remem when.
Sooooo, ya know. The youj fun.
Me, Jay, & Becca talking about poop. Quite an interesting conversation. Becca has poo poo tears & me & Jay are just like, "wtf, no one has those."
To totes clar, poo poo tears are when your eyes water up when you're pooing. Yeah, wtf, right? Haha.

Hmm, so it's the closing night, so after we all do the bow, we have our 'lil' pow-wow.
Joy didn't cry really. I was mad. Haha.

Soooo, then Me, Joy, Jay, Tiffany, & Janine alllll head out to EZ Take Out after we took forever & a half trying to figure out where to go. I got shotgun in the car. Ha!
So yeah, we pull in at EZ Take Out & wait for the creepers inside to leave.
They finally leave, & we go inside. Well, almost.
Me & Joy were in the zone of being weird. Ha.
She tries to get out of the back seat, keep in mind this is a two door car, & I just push her back down behind the passanger seat. & close the door. & jay locks it. HAHAHAH. totes marv.

Soooo we finally get inside & Tiffany decides to be SUPER BITCH & make witty gay joke comments. I called her a stupid bitch. Ha! Totes effec.
Yeah, then Joy tries to get me & Jay to eat a fry together. Not happenin', but we took one as to where it looks like we're eating the same fry. Ha, I'll post on here totes eventch.

So we all leave, & I get dropped off at home first. I live, like, 2 minutes from where we were. Haha.
So I get out & go in the house. But oh shit, I forgot my stuff!
So, I call Joy and have her tall Jay to come back so I can get it. & they do.
When I get my stuff outta the trunk, I say "Sorry for always leavin' my junk in your trunk Jay!"
No one laughed. Hahahahaha. Damn.

& yeah, that was my damn good evening. Fashosies.
Of course I left out some details, but I'm kinda tired & don't feel like typing that much. Ha, oh well.


-Taylord.

04.23.09 @ 10:15p.m.

Blah, blah, blah state testing.
ANYWAYS, lunch rolls around. & hot damn, was it fun.

model walking, being coutore, getting my gay ring & glasses, crackin' jokes, & just being fuckin' weirdddddd. s'how we do homie.

Blah, blah, blah seventh period.
THEN, dance production rolls around.
helping joy put on fake eyelashes with jay while the powers out. HAHAH. fail.
having a good time & taking the time to talk, but really listen to others.
more silly dumb acts involving me, joy, jay, & tiffany.
zombie walking. HA. totes hilare.
OH, & the creation of totes hets! (totally hetero) bwahahahha.


overall, i had a good night. glad to spend it with some great new friends.
ya know, joy, jay, & tiffany. oh, the fun we have. haha.

dance production tomorrow & saturday toooooo.
more fun shall ensue.



totes awes.

Netbook, Phone, Zune, & TV



I have a technology addiction.
They tryna make me gotta rehab, but I said no, no NO!

It's almost midnight.

I know why I'm up still




& God, do I feel stupid for it.

I'm sitting here listening to "Trouble" by Britney Spears & I can't help but feel a little depressed.
I'm pretty damn sick of my life revolving around school. It's disgusting. all i do is go learn shit for 10 hours and then go home and homework. hetero.
I can't help but feel that my highschool experiences aren't up too par.
I don't realy do bad things. ever.
Is it said that i just want things to get fucked up a little bit; just to go fuckin' crazy and not give a shit about anything but partying? I think it is. I don't care.
I really hate that i hold this ... life standard on which i feel guilty for doing anything close to "naughty". even in the slightest.

take one puff off that cigarette? can't.
take a hit off that joint? can't.
go get drunk? can't.

i'm pretty damn sick of these moral obligatons i feel compelled to follow.
i suppose i can fuck shit up a little bit in college? i guess.
i don't really even want to go to college. i'd much rather just be a celebrity and go show up at parties and get paid like i'm paris hilton or something. but not as gross. LOLLLL.



is it just me, or does blogging bring out the heavy & deep depressed side out of people? HAHAH.
oh well! hetero.

deuces.

I hate giving titles.

Today has been just plain weird. But in a way that I like.

It all started off with me texting Joy & Jay.
Oh, the fun we had sexting. We're going to have a threesome.
Totes hot. It's been agreed it'll be a Jay sandwich in the straightest way possible.
Which, well, isn't very straight at all. Whatevs, works for me!


I feel like I'm gaining stronger friendships with the people that I wanted to, & if feels fucking great. Mainly, Joy. We love each other, almost. It's a damn beautiful thing.
Plus, I'm making hetero friends! Who'd have guessed?
Well, I could have, they're pretty gay for straights. HA.


Well, here is to my second blog. Well, I'm counting it as my first.
That little shit I wrote earlier doesn't count.
& stop juding my blogging. I'm a n00b. I'm expecting I'll get better at textualizing my fucked up thoughts onto this keyboard over time.
God, I'm hoping, since I realized this blog didn't go the way I wanted to, & I'm far too lazy to rewrite one.

Yeah, lame.

Well, this is just my sample post.
Woohoo, I have a blog just like all my other asian friends!


Fashosies.
Peace out girl scout.